Colin Slade
Colin Slade works as an independent consultant in the mental health sector with a background of nearly 10 years as a consumer advisor and as peer advocacy manager. Before working in mental health, he spent 22 years in business making designer furniture. He is the father of two grown daughters and enjoys socialising, dancing and sailing.
Colin was diagnosed with depression in 1998 in a culmination of a whole sequence of events including a decline in physical health due to an overactive thyroid, a relationship breakdown and a suicide attempt.
“My diagnosis made sense of a lot of things,” says Colin. “I’d had several periods of depression in my past but had never identified them as such.”
Colin was also able to join the dots to reflect on a family history of depression and then mental health issues faced by a close family member, who spent some time in an inpatient unit in the mid 1990s for social phobia and depression.
“At the time when my family member was receiving treatment, I guess I felt a kind of stigma around that issue,” says Colin. “I didn’t want to admit it was mental illness. I thought that they just needed to pull themselves together. My own experience of mental illness changed my perspective on that.”
Diagnosis was shaming
Colin found his own experience of being diagnosed with a mental illness quite shaming.
“I had views on ‘the mentally ill’ and then I found myself there.”
Following his suicide attempt Colin spent time in intensive care in a medical ward.
"My face was all black from the charcoal that they made me drink to counteract the overdose. Everyone walking by could tell that I'd tried to overdose. The nurses and the registrar were very cold with me. There was no warmth or empathy. They were really brusque. I got the sense that they were only there for people who wanted to live.”
Otherwise, Colin considers himself as quite lucky to have not experienced too much discrimination associated with his mental illness.
“I suppose it’s the little things”, he says “if I’m talking to someone at a party and I mention my experience of mental illness, they'll either change the subject or the conversation just drifts to an end.
"I feel that some people look at me differently if I bring the subject up. I kind of censor the information that I give to people. For example, when I met my daughter’s future in-laws and they asked why I changed my career from a furniture maker to working in mental health. I told them that it was a health crisis, that I had a problem with my legs that meant I couldn’t stand at a bench all day, which was true, but the real reason was that working on my own was not good for someone with depression”.
To disclose or not to disclose
Colin believes being open about mental illness depends very much on circumstance. Should someone always disclose in a job interview? He feels that it is a personal choice.
“I think while there is increased understanding at the same time there are a lot of people who don’t sympathise and still believe what they read in the newspapers.
“I think people discriminate because of ignorance, and ignorance breeds fear,” says Colin. “It’s the same with racism and homophobia. It’s the fear of the unknown.”
One benefit of disclosing is that it makes other people more comfortable talking about their own experiences.
“I was talking to my landlady about my work and I told her about my experiences of depression and she disclosed that she had bipolar disorder. We had a really nice conversation.”
Love is the word
In terms of supporting someone experiencing mental health issues, Colin says “love is the word".
“That’s what I had to learn, to love myself so I could love others. Before I got diagnosed I didn’t understand. What my own illness taught me was how to love - accepting, validating, helping, empowering. Discrimination occurs when someone thinks the person with mental illness is less than able. You have to be able to help without overpowering – to be able to support self determination.”
In terms of his own recovery, Colin had found the support of friends and family invaluable, especially support from his daughters and from his peers in the consumer movement.
“Depression for me was all about self hate. Having people who love me helps me learn to love myself.”
Colin says every now and then he still falls into a 'hole' of depression.
“I really do have to make the effort to reach out to people as my tendency is to retract into a ‘cave’. Part of recovery is saying ‘yes!’ to life and taking advantage of the opportunities in front of you.”
(First published in Issue 37, June 2009, Like Minds Like Mine Newsletter)
